Pissing off Christie Blatchford since 2011

Dear Persons Who Become Very Upset and Defensive When It Is Suggested That You, Yes You, Are Behaving In A Sexist[1] Manner:

Being sexist is not a function of being Evil.

It is a function of being MISINFORMED.

If sexism were a problem of Evil People behaving Evilly, there wouldn't be NEARLY as much of it about.

The evil starts getting in when you are informed that your information is incorrect, realise that it will be very much to your advantage to continue acting on the bad information and that you have the power to do so, and willfully or unreflectively choose to continue to maintain the truth of the bad information and to behave as if it were true.

Therefore, the Feminist Conspiracy[2] wishes to suggest that if you either dislike the idea of being sexist, or simply find having to endure people calling you out for your sexism incredibly unpleasant, the auto-denial reflex[3] is not your friend.

This has been a Public Service Announcement by the Feminist Conspiracy.

[1] Substitute homophobia, racism, religious bigotry, etc, as needed. Sadly, this will often be needed. Global find and replace is recommended.

[2] Me. Every feminist gets to be her own Feminist Conspiracy.

[3] Also known as the Not Me I'm A Nice Guy [Person] I Didn't Mean It That Way, I am Totally Unlike The Last 500 Guys [Persons] Who Did That You Are Just Making Assumptions Defence. Not to be confused with I Don't Do That, Or Don't Do That Anymore, Therefore This Is Not To My Address, Therefore I Need Not Take It To Heart, which very often is your friend.

cpolk asked me to edit a mailing list post I made and post it here. And since I'm in favour of women asking for what they want, I shall of course do it.

As part of a discussion on how romantic fiction raises 'unrealistic expectations' in women, I said in a comment to fajrdrako:

"Have I somehow known you for this long without ever inflicting upon you the rant which begins "Women in Western culture, having generally been raised to live on figurative and sometimes literal table scraps, need to learn to consult their needs and desires and abilities in setting their goals, and forget about their probably completely insane sense of what they might 'realistically' expect or be said to deserve."?

And someone asked me to expand, so I did, though really, that's the gist of it. If you catch me in person there are Amusing Hand Gestures, tending to Amusing Whole Upper Body Gestures as I get going, but they don't add a lot of actual additional info.

But here is the very short version:

WOMEN NEED TO LEARN TO ASK FOR EVERY DAMN THING THEY WANT.

And here are some notes:

Yes, you. Yes, everything. Yes, even that.

All of it. Because it's true. We're mostly raised to live on table scraps, to wait and see what's going when everyone else has been served and then choose from what's left. And that's crap, and it'll get you crap.

Forget the limited menu of things that you automatically assume is all that's available given your (gender, looks, social class, education, financial position, reputation, family, damage level, etc etc etc), and start reading the whole menu instead.

Then figure out what you want. Then check what you've got and figure out how to get it. And then go after it baldheaded till either you make it happen or you decide that its real cost is more than it's worth to you.

As a corollary, if there's a person in your life who's always reminding you not to ask for too much because it might in some unspecified but horrible way get you in trouble or make you look arrogant or selfish or otherwise come back and bite you on the butt, avoid that person. Unless she's you, in which case do what you have to do to change the record she's playing.

Ask respectfully, sure. Consider others, sure. Play fair, absolutely.

BUT ASK FOR EVERYTHING YOU WANT.

This is all.