And now for something completely different ... the International _Menstrual_ Blood Drive

[marnanightingale]

firesignwriter posted a rather funny (and unlike many of these things, actually mildly useful) emergency guide to Spanish.

It is, however, missing something when it comes to emergencies.

Have you ever noticed that "travellers language classes" and "conversational language classes" invariably overlook the vocabularly one wants for life's more, ah, COMMON emergencies?

So, being as you're a fairly well-travelled and somewhat multilingual bunch, I think I'll finally get off my arse and start the collection of REALLY useful travellers terms I've been saying for years I was going to make.

If I get enough of these I'll put up a web page somewhere.



1) May I have/where can I buy a box of tampons, please?

2) May I have/where can I buy a box of pads please?

3) May I have/where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take --

4) May I have/where can I buy a pregnancy test, please?

5) May I have/where can I buy condoms, please?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?

7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?

8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?

From kgkofmel:

9) I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?

10) Oh, vaginal antifungal treatments are all prescription in this country? Where can I find a doctor/drop-in clinic to get a prescription?

11) Oh, the doctors are all booked and it will be a cold day in hell before I can get an appointment? Do you know anyone who might have an extra vaginal antifungal treatment they would give me?

12) Oh, dear, no vaginal antifungal treatment is available through any means? Where can I buy some unsweetened, unflavoured, live-culture yogurt?

13) You are so kind. Will I be able to buy strawberries there as well?

From technocracygirl:

14) I am going into labor.

15) My water has broken.

16) Where is the nearest emergency room?

17) Where can I purchase underwear? No, not the sexy kind.

18) Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?

From cruisedirector:

19) Where can I buy some sex toys?

Or suggest your own phrases...

ETA: By which I mean, "suggest your own phrases which are in some way relevant to female travellers and the reproductive systems therof", you see.

ETA 2: Now in Spanish, thanks to the fabulous petronelle -- see comments.

ETA 3: Honey? I think I will be needing a web-page. Cause wow! Finnish, Danish, Russian, French, Spanish and possibly Japanese. May I cash in that birthday pressie from last year?

Comments

[theengineer.livejournal.com]

Where can I get a decent cup of coffee that doesn't cost $5?

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Not strictly within the purview of this inquiry, I fear...

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

A couple of months ago, I asked my friends, "What would you *really* need to know how to say to get around in a foreign country?" Here are their suggestions. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/janetmiles/240195.html)

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Interesting, but not strictly speaking to the point, I don't think.

[kgkofmel.livejournal.com]

I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?

Oh, vaginal antifungal treatments are all prescription in this country? Where can I find a doctor/drop-in clinic to get a prescription?

Oh, the doctors are all booked and it will be a cold day in hell before I can get an appointment? Do you know anyone who might have an extra vaginal antifungal treatment they would give me?

Oh, dear, no vaginal antifungal treatment is available through any means? Where can I buy some unsweetened, unflavoured, live-culture yogurt?

You are so kind. Will I be able to buy strawberries there as well?

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Those are all good ones...

Spanish words and phrases

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

I've made an attempt at translating the current stuff here (http://www.livejournal.com/users/petronelle/78662.html), and added: "I'm pregnant," "My water has broken," and "I'm going into labor."

[technocracygirl.livejournal.com]

I am going into labor.

My water has broken. Where is the nearest emergency room?

Where can I purchase underwear?

No, not the sexy kind.

And, for the snark:

Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?

Coming Soon In Russian

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

Well, I'll have to see what I can do with my second language. It'll be a useful way to spend time.

DV

Re: Coming Soon In Russian

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Oh you so rock.

[cruisedirector]

I have terrible menstrual cramps and only a vibrator can relieve them. Can you point me to the nearest marital aid shop?

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Would you mind if I recast that as where can I buy sex toys?

[cruisedirector]

Hell no. I was trying to be polite. *G*

[17catherines.livejournal.com]

I suspect your french is probably better than mine, but if you don't have them in french, my dictionary and I will give them a go. And also send them to my friend who lives in Germany.

Catherine, who suspects this list would be very useful - I majored in French at university, and I actually don't know the words for most of the items and body parts/processes in question...

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Actually, yours is better.

So yes, please.

French translation - corrections welcome

[17catherines.livejournal.com]

1) I would like a box of tampons, please / Where can I buy a box of tampons, please?
Je voudrais une boîte de tampons, s’il vous plaît. / Où puis-je acheter une boîte de tampons, s’il vous plaît?

2) I would like a box of pads, please / Where can I buy a box of pads, please?
Je voudrais une boîte de serviettes hygiéniques, s’il vous plaît. / Où puis-je acheter une boîte de serviettes hygiéniques, s’il vous plaît?

3) I would like some medication for menstrual cramps / Where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take --
Je voudrais une medication pour les crampes menstruelles / Où puis-je acheter une medication pour les crampes menstruelles? Habituellement, je prends --

4) I would like a pregnancy test / Where can I buy a pregnancy test?
Je voudrais un test de grossesse. / Où puis-je acheter un test de grossesse?

5) I would like some condoms, please / Where can I buy condoms, please?
Je voudrais des préservatifs, s’il vous plaît. / Où puis-je acheter des préservatifs, s’il vous plaît?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?
J’ai une ordonnance pour la pilule anticonceptionnelle. Où puis-je l’exécuter, s’il vous plaît?

7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?
Où puis-je trouver un gynécologue, s’il vous plaît? (NB, if you want a female gynecologist, ask for ‘une gynécologue’)

8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?
Où puis-je trouver un obstétricien, s’il vous plaît? (NB, if you want a female obstetrician, ask for ‘une obstétricienne’)

9) I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?
Je crois que j’ai le muguet. Où puis-je acheter une medication antifongique vaginal sans ordannance?

10) Oh, vaginal antifungal treatments are all prescription in this country? Where can I find a doctor/drop-in clinic to get a prescription?
Ah, on ne peut pas obtenir les medication antifongique vaginal que sur ordannance? Où puis-je trouver un medecin/un service de consultation pour obtenir un ordannance?

11) Oh, the doctors are all booked and it will be a cold day in hell before I can get an appointment? Do you know anyone who might have an extra vaginal antifungal treatment they would give me?
Ah, les services de consultations sont tous complèts, et l’Enfer se prendra en glace / les poules auront les dents avant que je peut obtenir un rendez-vous? Alors, est-ce que vous connaissez quelqu’un qui a peut-être une medication antifongique vaginal de plus qu’elle me donnerait?

12) Oh, dear, no vaginal antifungal treatment is available through any means? Where can I buy some unsweetened, unflavoured, live-culture yogurt?
Eh bien, on ne peut pas obtenir un medication antifongique vaginal d’aucune manière? Où puis je acheter de yaourt de phase, sans sucre et sans parfums supplémentaires?

13) You are so kind. Will I be able to buy strawberries there as well?
Vous êtes très gentil. Est-ce-que je peux y acheter des fraises aussi?

14) I am going into labor.
Je commence à avoir des contractions.

15) My water has broken.
La poche des eaux s’est rompue.

16) Where is the nearest emergency room? Where is the nearest hospital?
Où est la salle des urgences la plus près d’ici? / Où est l’hôpital la plus près d’ici?

17) Where can I purchase underwear? No, not the sexy kind.
Où puis-je acheter des sous-vêtements? Non, je ne veux pas la lingerie sexy.

18) Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?
Est-ce-que tu as un employé qui parlera a moi, et pas à ma poitrine?
Est-ce-qu’il y a quelqu’un ici qui me regardera aux yeux, et pas aux seins?
(anyone got a good colloquial phrase for this?)

19) Where can I buy some sex toys? (I couldn’t find a phrase that I was certain actually meant ‘sex toys’, I've translated the original, ie "I have terrible menstrual cramps and only a vibrator can relieve them. Can you point me to the nearest marital aid shop?")
J’ai des crampes menstruelles horribles, et seulement un vibrateur peut les alléger. Pouvez-vous m’indiquer le chemin de la boutique porno la plus près d’ici?

Danish

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

If you want, I can try translating it into Danish later today, it being my first language and all...

Re: Danish

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Oh YES PLEASE.

Re: Danish

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Took a bit longer than I expected, since I have had a fairly busy week, but here you go:

1) May I have a box of tampons, please? / Where can I buy a box of tampons, please?

Jeg vil gerne have en pakke tamponer. / Hvor kan jeg købe en pakke tamponer?

2) May I have a box of pads please? / Where can I buy a box of pads please?

Jeg vil gerne have en pakke hygiejnebind. / Hvor kan jeg købe en pakke bind?

3) May I have some medication for menstrual cramps? / Where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take ---

Jeg vil gerne have noget medicin mod menstruationssmerter. / Hvor kan jeg købe noget medicin mod menstruationssmerter? Jeg plejer at tage ---

4) May I have a pregnancy test, please? / Where can I buy a pregnancy test, please?

Jeg vil gerne have en graviditetsprøve. / Hvor kan jeg købe en graviditetsprøve?

5) May I have condoms, please? / Where can I buy condoms, please?

Jeg vil gerne have nogle kondomer. / Hvor kan jeg købe nogle kondomer?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?

Jeg har en recept på p-piller. Hvor kan jeg købe nogle?

7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?

Hvor kan jeg finde en gynækolog?

8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?

Hvor kan jeg finde en fødselslæge?

9) I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?

Jeg tror at jeg har skedesvamp. Hvor kan jeg købe et svampemiddel mod skedesvamp i håndkøb?

10) Oh, vaginal antifungal treatments are all prescription in this country? Where can I find a doctor to get a prescription?

Nå, så alle svampemidler mod skedesvamp er på recept her i landet? Hvor kan jeg finde en læge, så jeg kan få en recept?

11) Oh, the doctors are all booked and it will be a cold day in hell before I can get an appointment?
Do you know anyone who might have an extra vaginal antifungal treatment they would give me?

Nå, så alle lægerne er fuldt optagede og jeg kan godt opgive at få en tid? Kender du nogen som måske har et svampemiddel mod skedesvamp tilovers, som de vil give til mig?

12) Oh, dear, no vaginal antifungal treatment is available through any means? Where can I buy some unsweetened, unflavoured, live-culture yogurt?

Jamen dog, det er helt umuligt at få fat i et svampemiddel mod skedesvamp? Hvor kan jeg købe noget yoghurt naturel?

13) You are so kind. Will I be able to buy strawberries there as well?

Du er meget venlig. Vil jeg også kunne købe jordbær der?

14) I am going into labor.

Jeg har fået veer.

15) My water has broken.

Mit vand er gået.

16) Where is the nearest emergency room?

Hvor ligger den nærmeste skadestue?

17) Where can I purchase underwear? No, not the sexy kind.

Hvor kan jeg købe noget undertøj? Nej, ikke den sexede slags.

18) Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?

Har I en ekspedient som vil tale til mig og ikke til mine bryster?

19) Where can I buy some sex toys?

Hvor kan jeg købe noget sexlegetøj?

[jazz007.livejournal.com]

My skills in Russian and some time with Babelfish will have a go at this as well, since it looks like someone is already working on the French end of it :)

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Talk to desert_vixen?

I think between the two of you you'd have it all nailed in no time.

Oh right...

[jazz007.livejournal.com]

Next time I'll try to read *all* the languages being involved.

If it's her second language, she'll probably have it knocked out faster. I've only got one semester of Russian to my credit, and my other other language is French.

Incidentally, they don't teach you these in *any* language class I've yet seen. Everything I know about this subject I learned from tampon boxes, in French at least.

[miner-va.livejournal.com]

i could have a go at these in Finnish (my first language) later today if you want :)

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Yes, please.

[miner-va.livejournal.com]

and it only took me ten days!1 but nevertheless, emergency Finnish-English here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/miner_va/109744.html

[kgkofmel.livejournal.com]

I have been sexually assaulted by my tour guide. I would like to file charges.

I have been sexually assaulted by my travelling companion. I would like to file charges.

I have been sexually assaulted by a complete stranger, not a citizen of your fine country. I would like to file charges.

I have been sexually assualted by a complete stranger, apparently a citizen of your otherwise fine country. I would like to file charges.

Yes, please bring me a rape kit.

Yes, please bring me someone who can translate the instructions on the rape kit.

I have been sexually assaulted by someone masquerading as a police officer with a rape kit. I would like to file charges.

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

I think that might be into "contact your embassy and they will supply you with a translator' territory, there.

[kgkofmel.livejournal.com]

My portable breast pump is broken. Where can I get it repaired/replaced?

Is abortion legal in this country?

Where can I put my two-year-old in short-term daycare?

Where can I put my two-year-old up for adoption?

[ananas2003.livejournal.com]

I'll give these a go in German (not my first language, though!)

meine tragbare Brustmilchpumpe ist kaputt. Wo kann ich sie reparieren lassen/eine neue kaufen?

ist Abtreibung hier erlaubt?

wo kann ich mein zweijähriges Kind kurzfristig in einem Hort bringen?

wo kann ich mein zweijähriges Kind zur Adoption freigeben?

In German

[louphoenix.livejournal.com]

1) May I have/where can I buy a box of tampons, please?

Könnte ich bitte eine Schachtel Tampons haben?
Wo kann ich Tampons kaufen?


2) May I have/where can I buy a box of pads please?

Könnte ich bitte eine Schachtel Binden haben?
Wo kann ich Binden kaufen?


3) May I have/where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take --

Könnte ich bitte Medicin gegen Periodenbeschwerden haben?
Wo kann ich bitte Medicin gegen Periodenbeschwerden kaufen?


4) May I have/where can I buy a pregnancy test, please?

Könnte ich bitte einen Schwangerschaftstest haben?
Wo kann ich bitte einen Schwangerschaftstest kaufen?

5) May I have/where can I buy condoms, please?

Könnte ich bitte Kondome haben?
Wo kann ich bitte Kondome kaufen?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?

Ich habe ein Rezept für die Pille. Wo kann ich sie bekommen?


7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?

Wo bitte finde ich einen Frauenarzt?


8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?

Wo bitte finde ich einen Geburtshelfer?


OK, enough for now. It was a nice surprise that thanks to the internet I know those phrases even that was something our english teacher hadn't dreamed of teaching us.

Re: In German

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Wonderful!

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Okay, just a request for phonetic (or at least vaguely so) pronunciation guides for the phrases? So that people such as myself who speak only English (Australian English, in my case) can at least make a stab at making ourselves understood.

Of course, I suppose there's also the option of printing the relevant pages out, and pointing to the correct sentences...

(This is a truly wonderful idea - and just think - it works just as well backwards).

A few more suggestions:

I will not have sex with you if you don't use a condom.

No, I am not interested in having sex with you.

No, I do not wish to marry you.

Fuck Off! (or whatever the most forceful and impolite term for "go away very rapidly" is).

[ananas2003.livejournal.com]

Print and point is the best system. Trying to pronounce it yourself means they either won't understand you, or they'll understand you all too well and give you a long and complicated answer you have no hope of comprehending :-)

Your suggestions in German:

ich werde kein Sex mit dir haben, wenn du keine Kondome benutzt. (I won't have sex with you if you don't use a condom)

nein, ich will kein Sex mit dir haben (no, I don't want to have sex with you)

nein, ich will dich nicht heiraten (no, I don't want to marry you)

verpiss dich, du Arschloch! (Piss off, you a***hole!)

[northbard.livejournal.com]

16) Where is the nearest emergency room? - Czech
(substituting hospital, as emergency room is a north american variation on the theme afaik)
"Kde ye shpital?" (written phonetically)

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Nice! Thanks.

German

[ananas2003.livejournal.com]

Here's some German for you, but I'll probably want to edit it later:

1) May I have/where can I buy a box of tampons, please?
ich möchte/wo kann ich bitte eine Packung Tampons kaufen?

2) May I have/where can I buy a box of pads please?
ich möchte/wo kann ich bitte eine Packung Damenbinden kaufen?

3) May I have/where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take --
ich möchte/wo kann ich ein Mittel gegen Menstrualkrämpfe kaufen? Normalerweise nehme ich --
(show them the packet - then they can try to match it.)

4) May I have/where can I buy a pregnancy test, please?
ich möchte/wo kann ich bitte einen Schwangerschaftstest kaufen?

5) May I have/where can I buy condoms, please?
ich möchte/wo kann ich bitte Kondome kaufen?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?
Ich habe ein Rezept für die Verhütungspille. Wo kann ich sie bekommen, bitte?

7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?
Wo kann ich einen Frauenarzt/eine Frauenärztin (female doctor) finden, bitte?

8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?
Wo kann ich einen Geburtshelfer/Geburtshelferin (female) finden, bitte?

From kgkofmel:

9) I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?
Ich glaube, dass ich eine Pilzinfektion habe. Wo kann ich ein passendes Gegenmittel ohne Rezept kaufen?

10) Oh, vaginal antifungal treatments are all prescription in this country? Where can I find a doctor/drop-in clinic to get a prescription?
Ach, Mittel gegen Pilze gibt's nur auf Rezept in diesem Land? Wo kann ich einen Arzt/ein Arztpraxis mit Sprechstunde finden, um ein Rezept zu bekommen?

11) Oh, the doctors are all booked and it will be a cold day in hell before I can get an appointment? Do you know anyone who might have an extra vaginal antifungal treatment they would give me?
Ach, die Ärzte haben keine Termine mehr frei und die Hölle wird schon gefroren sein, bevor ich einen bekommen kann? Kennen Sie jemand, der vielleicht ein Vaginalpilzgegenmittel übrig hat, das er mir geben könnte?

12) Oh, dear, no vaginal antifungal treatment is available through any means? Where can I buy some unsweetened, unflavoured, live-culture yogurt?
Ach Du Lieber, ein Vaginalpilzgegenmittel ist überhaupt nicht zu bekommen? Wo kann ich Naturjoghurt mit Kultur, ungesüsst und ohne Aromazusätze bekommen?

13) You are so kind. Will I be able to buy strawberries there as well?
Sie sind aber nett. Werde ich dort auch Erdbeeren bekommen können?

From technocracygirl:

14) I am going into labor.
ich bekomme die Wehe (I am getting contraction pains)/ ich kriege ein Kind (I'm having a baby).

15) My water has broken.
meine Wässer sind gebrochen.

16) Where is the nearest emergency room?
Wo ist die nächste Notaufnahme?

17) Where can I purchase underwear? No, not the sexy kind.
Wo kann ich Unterwäsche kaufen? Nein, keine Reizwäsche.

18) Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?
Haben Sie einen Verkäufer, der mit mir sprechen wird und nicht mit meiner Brüste?

From cruisedirector:

19) Where can I buy some sex toys?
Wo kann ich ein Vibrator/einen Dildo kaufen?

[marycrawford.livejournal.com]

Here's Dutch. I don't know if it's the most essential of the languages, since many Dutch people speak English, but we will love you for the effort. *g*

I've separated the 'may I have' and 'where can I buy' questions.

Also note that in the Netherlands, pregnancy tests are usually sold over the counter. Condoms tend to be on the counter, anything else tends to be on the shelf.

1) May I have/where can I buy a box of tampons, please?

Mag ik een doos tampons van u?
Waar kan ik tampons kopen?

2) May I have/where can I buy a box of pads please?

Mag ik een pak maandverband van u?
Waar kan ik maandverband kopen?

3) May I have/where can I buy some medication for menstrual cramps? I usually take --

Mag ik medicijnen tegen menstruatiepijn van u?
Waar kan ik medicijnen tegen menstruatiepijn kopen?
Normaal gebruik ik --

4) May I have/where can I buy a pregnancy test, please?

Mag ik een zwangerschapstest van u?
Waar kan ik een zwangerschapstest kopen?

5) May I have/where can I buy condoms, please?

Mag ik condooms van u?
Waar kan ik condooms kopen?

6) I have a prescription for birth control. Where can I get it filled, please?

Ik heb een doktersrecept voor de pil. Waar kan ik de pil halen?

7) Where can I find a gynecologist, please?

Waar kan ik een gynaecoloog vinden?

8) Where can I find an obstetrician, please?

Waar kan ik een verloskundige vinden?

9) I believe I have a yeast infection. Where can I buy an appropriate over the counter vaginal antigungal treatment?

Ik geloof dat ik een vaginale schimmelinfectie heb. Waar kan ik hier een medicijn voor kopen waarvoor geen doktersrecept nodig is?

I am going into labor.

Ik heb weeën.

Where is the nearest emergency room?

Waar is de dichtsbijzijnde eerste hulp?

Where can I purchase underwear? No, not the sexy kind.

Waar kan ik ondergoed kopen? Ik bedoel gewoon ondergoed.

Do you have a clerk who will speak to me and not my chest?

Heeft u iemand in dienst die tegen mij kan praten en niet tegen mijn boezem?

Where can I buy some sex toys?

Waar kan ik seksspeeltjes kopen?

Hope that helps,

Mary