Public posts
Jun. 14th, 2005 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marnanightingaleI should prefer that this post not be quoted or linked to, please.
So I'm thinking about public posting. For a number of reasons; several exchanges I have had with people recently have contributed to this, but this isn't a response to any of them and I am not at this moment irked with anyone. In case anyone was wondering.
Variants on this keep coming up:
"You made a public post, what do you expect?" Or, on occasion, "Friends-lock or not, you put something on the internet, what did you expect?"
Might be fic, might be meta, might be any number of things. Still bothers me.
I'm sure people don't mean it the way it sounds to me. Probably they mean as many things by it as there are people who say it.
But what it sounds like, quite often, is this:
"You stupid bitch, don't you realize you went and opened your mouth? We can do anything we want to you now! For any reason! Or none! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?"
So. I make public posts. They are usually intended to entertain people, or interest them, or pass on information, or sometimes just to be amusing.
I don't make posts intended to piss people off, which I agree is a whole 'nother thing.
What do I expect, when I do that?
Decency, courtesy and respect, actually. Just the normal human level that I expect of face to face interaction. You know, this lj is basically an open party. Come in, have a drink. Join the discussion, or just dance, if you wanna.
But no puking on the floor, no picking fights with other guests, and if I ask you to enjoy the cake but leave the pie in the fridge alone, leave it. If you take it out and throw it and then say I left it where you could get to it, what did I expect, well, I expect you'll be leaving the party early. Possibly feet first. And I will be extremely displeased with you.
And they can't be too unreasonable, my expectations, because actually, this is almost always exactly how people behave. Half-naked women keep coming in, they dance like you would not believe, they bring fresh supplies of chips -- it's all extremely good.
I'm writing this because it helps me think, not because I think any of you actually need to be told this.
*puts on more music and smooches fandom wildly, just 'cause*.
Isn't that kind of naive of me? Well, no. Expect, you see, is not the same as assume. I don't always get what I expect. I don't always behave as well as I expect myself to.
I do not assume that people will necessarily behave well. It is not necessary for anyone to write me long comments explaining that human beings are capable of unspeakable depravity, nevermind obnoxiousness, callousness, and dishonesty. Got that memo, thanks.
I don't take foolish risks with my comfort or safety in this journal, though I often take considered ones.
But if you ever have a need to know what I expect, when I make a public post? Now you know, so you never have to ask me again.
So I'm thinking about public posting. For a number of reasons; several exchanges I have had with people recently have contributed to this, but this isn't a response to any of them and I am not at this moment irked with anyone. In case anyone was wondering.
Variants on this keep coming up:
"You made a public post, what do you expect?" Or, on occasion, "Friends-lock or not, you put something on the internet, what did you expect?"
Might be fic, might be meta, might be any number of things. Still bothers me.
I'm sure people don't mean it the way it sounds to me. Probably they mean as many things by it as there are people who say it.
But what it sounds like, quite often, is this:
"You stupid bitch, don't you realize you went and opened your mouth? We can do anything we want to you now! For any reason! Or none! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?"
So. I make public posts. They are usually intended to entertain people, or interest them, or pass on information, or sometimes just to be amusing.
I don't make posts intended to piss people off, which I agree is a whole 'nother thing.
What do I expect, when I do that?
Decency, courtesy and respect, actually. Just the normal human level that I expect of face to face interaction. You know, this lj is basically an open party. Come in, have a drink. Join the discussion, or just dance, if you wanna.
But no puking on the floor, no picking fights with other guests, and if I ask you to enjoy the cake but leave the pie in the fridge alone, leave it. If you take it out and throw it and then say I left it where you could get to it, what did I expect, well, I expect you'll be leaving the party early. Possibly feet first. And I will be extremely displeased with you.
And they can't be too unreasonable, my expectations, because actually, this is almost always exactly how people behave. Half-naked women keep coming in, they dance like you would not believe, they bring fresh supplies of chips -- it's all extremely good.
I'm writing this because it helps me think, not because I think any of you actually need to be told this.
*puts on more music and smooches fandom wildly, just 'cause*.
Isn't that kind of naive of me? Well, no. Expect, you see, is not the same as assume. I don't always get what I expect. I don't always behave as well as I expect myself to.
I do not assume that people will necessarily behave well. It is not necessary for anyone to write me long comments explaining that human beings are capable of unspeakable depravity, nevermind obnoxiousness, callousness, and dishonesty. Got that memo, thanks.
I don't take foolish risks with my comfort or safety in this journal, though I often take considered ones.
But if you ever have a need to know what I expect, when I make a public post? Now you know, so you never have to ask me again.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-15 02:29 pm (UTC)And there's the rub. Particularly on the last two.
In many of the environments I have lived in or engaged in online, showing courtesy and respect for someone involves engaging with their ideas, and playing with the implications, and expressing disagreement where one disagrees with precision, candour, and compassion. In others, doing so seems to open one to charges of gross insensitivity or hurting people's feelings. The longer I live and the more variety I engage with, the more firmly I conclude that guessing in advance just gets me in trouble and I'll ask if it seems apt. Which does seem to filter out people for whom the act of asking is indicative of gross insensitivity et cetera, but of the few lines I hold to absolutely, communication being needful is one of them.